I have a dream

A wise man once told me, “what goes around comes back around.” Okay, that wise man was Justin Timberlake and he didn’t actually tell me, he sang it on his last album. But, that raises the question of whether, you know, what goes around really does come back around. We may as well have this question answered shortly, during the NFL playoffs.

There hasn’t been a shortage of ESPN or Fox Sports, not to mention local coverage (if you live in the state of Wisconsin) of the Brett Favre saga. The lovable, vintage 40-year-old has perfectly planned out his revenge against his former employer, the Green Bay Packers, or has he? The new Viking sailed his way through both meetings, passing for a combined 515 yards, seven TDs and no turnovers. The Packers and Vikings first Monday night meeting this season, was said to be the most anticipated game in the history of the NFL. But, I don’t need to tell you that, you already know. Favre has also led his team to a current 11-2 record, NFC North division title and playoff berth. But, after a 4-4 start and a loss to then winless Tampa Bay, the Pack have won five in a row and are on their way to the playoffs; on their way to a epic playoff showdown with their ally turned enemy, Favre.

I have a dream, a dream that… may or may not come truth, but damn it, we all need to dream. The playoff-bound Vikings and Packers could meet in round 2 of the playoffs with a Packers win and a Philadelphia loss, with the current NFC seeding of Saints no. 1, Viking no. 2, Eagles no. 3, Cardinals no. 4, Packers no. 5 and Dallas no. 6.

I am literally sweating just thinking about a Vikings loss to the Packers. Redemption, sweet redemption. But, before I get ahead of myself too much, the Packers need to finish this season on a good note and make it eight wins in a row and on to 12. Nonetheless, one win is more important than the rest because it makes 515 and seven insignificant; it makes 11-2 laughable; and it makes Brett Favre our BITCH.

So, let's hope December confirms what Justin was saying, and let's get our sexy back.

Faith of the heart

I’ve always struggled with the seemingly simple concept of faith.

To me, it has always stood for the belief in something that you can’t see, or as dictionary.com puts it, “belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.”

Most often, I find myself questioning faith when it comes to religion. It just seems like there are too many unanswered questions that just don’t make sense to me.

An example of this would be the concept of the soul and it’s ascendance to heaven or descent to hell. As far as I know, I’ve never heard of a person tell me their soul is broken and they have to go have surgery to fix it. If the soul truly exists, where is it? Does it sit somewhere near your stomach and flare up every time you have gas?

Despite my attempt at humor, the soul is merely a concept. It is not a physical part of my body and no one can truly prove that it exists. Sticking to my original point, it takes faith to believe in the soul.

Another example of something I question, as broad as it may be, is God himself. Other than the select few who have seen him burned in their toast, how can someone truly prove that God exists? The common belief is that he lives in heaven somewhere in the clouds above us, but people have gone far, far into space, yet haven’t run into this place. Once again, it takes a great deal of faith to believe in God, and religion in general for that matter.

I guess the whole point I’m trying to get to is that no matter how much I’ve questioned faith in the past, it seems there is finally something I can honestly apply the concept to.

While most of you reading this know my situation, others might not know that my girlfriend is heading back home to Alabama, for good, leaving us in a long distance relationship. I will see her during spring break in March and when I move there in May. Other than that, we will only be able to talk on the phone, text each other and see each other on video chats. No hugs. No hand holding. No kisses.

As much as I earlier showed I don’t really believe in faith, I find myself on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to this relationship. There is no real material evidence I can point to in order to prove it will work out, but I just have a feeling about it. I know that I love her, and in turn, she loves me just as much. It is in this intense understanding of our love that I have faith this long distance adventure will end up being something that will only strengthen our already rock-steady relationship.

As someone who is easily set in his ways, it is weird to think that something can sway my ideology concerning faith. Who knew it would be love?

Pondering the finality of death

When thinking about death, the finality of the whole ordeal is an extremely depressing thought.

One second, your loved one is with you. The next, they die and are never accessible again. You'll never be able to call them at the end of the day and tell them how your day went. You'll never be able to hear their voice again. You'll never get the chance to hold their hand or give them one last hug.

Seeing as my dad has small cell lung cancer, an aggressive and quick-spreading form of the disease, I've begun to think about this finality more and more each day. I won't even try to be the tough guy because in all honesty, these thoughts absolutely break my heart.

While I know I have to stay strong in front of my dad and keep all the positive thoughts and vibes going his way, it's not so easy for me to stay emotionally balanced away from him. Every time I'm around him, I think of all the "last times" that might be occurring. When the Angels lost in the playoffs, was that the last Angels game I'd be able to watch with him? Was this our last Thanksgiving together? Was this my last birthday with him? What should I get him for Christmas if I don't even know how long he'll be able to enjoy it?

If you know my dad at all, you know he's a pretty funny guy. For example, when we recently had our family reunion in Estes Park, he was an absolute riot when we played Apples to Apples. He hilariously tried to convince the judge to pick his card each and every turn. Knowing that the end could be near, those are moments that I will never forget.

In the same sense though, those moments make me extremely sad. It makes me think that soon, when my dad passes, I'll NEVER have the chance to see that humorous side of him because I'll NEVER get to see him again. Once he's gone, he's gone. All I will have left are memories. Eventually, they will be good enough, but for now, I just can't fathom the thought.

Worst of all, I hate thinking about the future without my dad being in it. There are a list of things I know I'll experience that my dad will never have the chance to witness:

• My first house
• My wedding
• My sister's wedding
• His grandchildren

More than those big experiences, it's the little things he'll miss that bothers me the most. I'll never have the chance to watch an Angels game or talk with him about the Angels ever again. I'll never get to play another game of Five Crowns with him, whether he's at home or in the hospital. He'll never pull two all nighters in a row to go watch me play in every single softball game at the 36-hour softball tournament.

Even as I write this, I can't stop the tears from coming. If I feel this way now and my dad is still alive, I'm afraid of how I'll handle his death once the time actually comes.